Longing
by Sapphire1112
Summary: One shot based on the scene in 'Somewhere between the silences part one'. Because I just think there were so many 'hidden' moments! I don't own the characters. Strachamp.


**Sam**

I see Connie go into her office. Now is my chance. I'm not sure how this is going to go down. How I _want_ it to go and how I _think_ it's going to go are two different things.

I _want_ her to say 'yes'. I _want_ her to admit that she loves me - that I'm more than just 'Grace's father'. I _want_ the three of us to be a family. That's how I _want_ it to go, but that's not how I think it's going to go.

Ever since we came out of that cupboard, Connie has never even mentioned that anything happened. I think she's trying to remind me that she's in charge.

I _think_ she's going to say 'no'. I _think_ she's going to pretend that she thinks what happened between us in the cupboard was a mistake and that we should carry on like nothing happened. Whatever she says though, I don't believe for a second that she _really_ regrets it. Deep down, she wants the same as me. It's getting her to admit it that's the problem. It's the 'stubborn' trait that she's passed onto Grace. She's Connie Beauchamp. I wouldn't expect anything less.

So I know what she's going to say - how she's going to react, but it's not going to stop me from asking. I lean against the doorframe of her office and watch her fondly for a minute or two. She's looking for something in her filing cabinet and once again, it strikes me just how beautiful she is - honestly, I swear that woman gets even better looking with age. She's had her hair cut and I love it when she wears a dress or a skirt. I love the way it shows off her legs.

I suddenly decide that I had better announce my presence before she notices me and realises that I've been staring at her. That won't go down well either. I knock and enter when she acknowledges me.

"Hi" I say.

"Hi" She answers and it strikes me that we wouldn't have spoken to each other like that before last week. I hadn't noticed before, but there's a slight edge of fondness to her tone.

 **Connie**

Sam knocks on my office door and I realise that I was hoping it was him. When I look up, he's leaning against the doorframe with a gooey-eyed look, as though he's admiring me. It makes my heart leap because I never thought he'd look at me like that. It's miles away from the glares we usually throw at each other. I wonder how long he's been standing there. I can't help feeling pleased to see him despite my attempts to go back to how we were before. I've had my hair done since 'the cupboard' - I wonder if he's noticed.

"Hi" He says, walking towards me.

"Hi" I try to keep the fondness out of my voice - _unsuccessfully_.

"Grace's physio appointment this afternoon..."

I cut him off, slightly annoyed that he appears to think I've forgotten. "Yep. I'll be taking her there myself once I've done this presentation to the board meeting."

 _Apparently_ , he wasn't trying to remind me, though. Instead, he makes a suggestion that nearly makes my heart stop.

"I thought we could go together."

He sounds nervous and while the 'Connie' in me wants to say 'yes', once again I let 'Mrs Beauchamp' take over. "What, and play happy families?"

 **Sam**

I make my suggestion and find that I'm nervous because, I _really_ want her to say 'yes', but I know she won't. Sure enough, her answer comes back, caked in sarcasm, but I'm _pretty_ _sure_ she hesitated before she said 'no'.

 **Connie**

I inwardly sigh. Damn, Mrs Beauchamp - why couldn't I just say 'yes', for once? Half the time I feel like I'm fighting myself! Sam looks disappointed by my answer, though not particularly surprised. He perched on the edge of my desk next to me when I answered and now he's _much_ too close - and yet _not_ _close_ _enough_.

 **Sam**

"We did a pretty good job of that last week." I answer softly. I see a flicker in her eyes. Part of her _doesn't_ want to pretend it never happened - part of her _wants_ it to happen again.

"Last week was a mistake." She eventually says, fixing me with a longing stare and I wonder if she _knows_ what her eyes are doing.

Those were the words I expected. There are more, but she has trouble getting the next words out. She doesn't really want to say them. I can tell that her mouth and her heart are _not_ in harmony.

"It was a..."

I lean towards her as she tries to continue and I see her swallow as I get closer.

"...temporary lapse in judgement." She finally finishes, her eyes still contradicting her mouth.

I speak softly again. Her folded hands are almost touching mine as they lie crossed over my chest and her eyes have never left mine for more than a few seconds since I made my suggestion. She shuffles slightly and her legs brush against mine as I join in her game. "Oh...what, so we just pretend it never happened, right?"

"Mmm" She's still gazing at me. I can almost feel her hands itching to touch me and I know that if I kissed her again right now, she wouldn't resist.

 **Connie**

"We did a pretty good job of that last week." Sam reminds me gently.

I find this 'new' version of him both scary and adorable. I don't remember him being this way before, even when we were dating, before we had Grace. It's as though he's always been fond of me, but can no longer hide it. I like it and I want to tell him I like it, but Mrs Beauchamp is still in charge.

I take a deep breath and the words I don't want to say tumble out. "Last week was a mistake. It was a..."

At this point, the words get stuck in my throat and I almost choke on them. He leans towards me and it takes all the energy I have not to throw my arms around him. Mrs Beauchamp stops me once again - like I said, sometimes I feel like I'm fighting myself.

I finally manage to get the other words out. "...temporary lapse in judgement," I shuffle slightly, which was a _bad_ idea - my legs are touching his now and I _like_ _it_. His legs are nice and warm.

"Oh" He says softly and I can tell that he knows I'm only _'pretending'_ it was a mistake. "What, so we just pretend it never happened, right?"

"Mmm" I very nearly lean forward and kiss him, but Charlie interrupts.

 **Sam**

Damn, Charlie! Your timing _really_ sucks! As soon as he knocks on the door, Connie moves away from me and leans on the desk. If my eyes are not deceiving me, there's a hint of _disappointment_ in her face. I _think_ she was going to _kiss_ me, despite what she said.

 **Connie**

"Sorry to interrupt" Charlie says _\- so am I, Charlie_! "RTC on the way in."

I feel Sam lean on the desk next to me. Our hands touch - only slightly, so that Charlie doesn't notice. Sam expects me to move my hand away from his, but I don't. I only wish I could hold his hand properly, but I can't - not without Charlie noticing.

"Serious head injury - now arrested." Charlie continues. "ETA about four minutes." Charlie shuffles nervously as he talks - as though he _knows_ his arrival prevented something from happening. He must have at least heard the last part of the conversation Sam and I were having - the bit where Sam asked if we were _pretending_ _that_ _nothing_ _happened_ and I expect I looked pretty transparent when he knocked on the door. Sam could tell - I saw it in his eyes, so Charlie probably could too. Sam's eyes burn into me now as Charlie finishes and they have been, pretty much the whole time Charlie's been talking. A longing gaze. He's paying no attention to Charlie at all - other than a brief glance when we were interrupted. It's as though he can't take his eyes off me. It drives me crazy and I don't know _how_ _the_ _hell_ I manage to continue acting normally.

"Ok, I'll be right out." I say and Charlie departs. Sam brushes his thumb against my hand the second Charlie's back is turned and it sends tingles up my spine. It takes a lot of self control not to react to it, but seconds later with a sharp intake of breath that I hope he hasn't noticed, I move my hand away, pick up my stethoscope and attempt to leave. Sam stays where he is.

"Let's keep this professional for Grace's sake." I tell him reluctantly. We avoid making eye contact now. We are _too_ _close_ to each other at the moment and I know I won't be able to stop myself from kissing him. I breeze passed him but lightly brush my hand against his back as I walk past. _I want him to know I care._

"Mm-hm" He answers, just as reluctantly, as I leave my office. Now that I'm a safe distance away, I can't help looking back at him. He's still gazing at me in _that_ way - drawing me back. I want to run back to him, but I can't.

 **Sam**

I don't know _what_ Charlie said. I hope it wasn't important. I glanced briefly at him when he knocked on the door, but then I looked back at Connie and I couldn't tear my eyes away again.

It sounds _crazy_ , but I keep wanting to tangle my hand in her hair. I don't know why.

I lean on the desk next to her and my hand touches hers, but she _doesn't_ move it away as I expect her too. Instead our hands stay touching. Her hand is cold - mine is warm. Maybe she _likes_ that. My eyes are drawn to staring at our hands, _desperate_ to pull her closer.

"Ok, I'll be right out." Connie eventually tells Charlie and he leaves. I stroke my thumb against her hand and hear her give a stifled intake of breath as she moves her hand behind her away from mine Her other hand reaches for her stethoscope. My hand suddenly feels very cold without hers there next to it, and I feel a strong impulse to take my other hand out of my pocket and grasp the one behind her back, but I don't and all to soon she further away from than I want. I just stare miserably at my lonely hand.

"Let's keep this professional for Grace's sake" She tells me - but her reluctance is obvious and I can't help thinking, _that_ _ship sailed long ago_. I wish so much that I could stop her leaving her office, like I did in the cupboard.

"Mm-hm" I reluctantly answer her with a resigned sigh.

Connie brushes her hand across my back as she walks around me - either accidently or deliberately. I'm not sure which, until she looks back at me when she goes out the door. A look of longing that I know matches mine, and a smile I rarely see, then I _know_ it was deliberate. She wants me to know she cares.

I know I'm staring at her again, but I can't help it. I'm just willing her to come back and give me a hug or something, but I know she can't.


End file.
